If you want erudite bilge then go elswhere - OK? Now then lets get down to some good honest crap...get it eh? Crap! Ha, ha ha haha...Oh dear, how do I do it...I really don't know. Seriously though, like many people I did my potty training fairly early on...well when I say early...I was about fifteen when I got my very own personal pastel coloured little shit-bin. Hey, you know what...very often I would wear it on my ludicrously big head - not when it was full of course.
You know, my parents (God bless 'em) would allow me to have my friends round, where we could smoke, drink and discuss the individual merits of our pottys', you know the kind of thing, colour, style, holding capacity...and naturally we would hold potty races on the pavement outside before diving back into our garden shed when someone came along. Sadly, no potty events were ever held in our community.
Anyway, I was about thirty-five when I partially completed my potty training, and I could move on to my final bowel development stage. Wait for it!...Yep, you guessed it...BIG POO NAPPY-BAGS! What's more, they've now arrived in large numbers in the shops, just waiting for you...so why not pop along and treat your self?
But first here's a little story for you.
Just recently I was dining out with friends when suddenly I gave way to a monumental bowel movement, Oh boy – what a stink! But guess what…no problem at all, why? Because my ‘Big Pooh Nappy-Bags’ had everything under control - don't you see?
Despite the big pile in my pants, which became embarrassingly squishy, I was able to look the world right in the eye, because I knew I could still sit there without having to go to the shit-box and dump my load.
Yeah, that’s right, my ‘Big Pooh Nappy-Bags’ were saying to me “Hey…you can crap boulders you mincy bollock, but we can swallow em’ right up. So… you just kick back and enjoy your meal, you filthy smelly botty you!”
You can now buy them in ‘Regular Big Pooh’, or ‘Super Big Pooh’ sizes, in four delicious colors accept brown of course and each pair is double stitched which doesn’t just mean extra strength, but also a great leak free experience. When you want to give that extra special present to someone you love, then why not try these. Doesn’t this just sound like the kind of thing you’ve been waiting for?
You can also step up a gear for that real hardcore experience on your next night out – by taking a full pack of laxatives…and treat your ‘Big Pooh Nappy-Bags’ to a real workout...squishy-ville here I come!
Believe me, I’ve never had so much fun since raiding washing lines for elderly ladies surgical support stockings back in the seventies!
Next week I’ll be telling you how you can make your own incontinence pants out of one of your neighbours bin liners…hell why use your own!
As usual all merchandise will be sent under plain cover. (You pervy bastards!)